Confronting the PAST

Well Lord,
[dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUN
....*audience gasps >insert pause for dramatic effect<
*random 'gulp' followed by an eerie shriek from a woman]
Guess it's about that time!
I always knew that every christian had to come to a point where they had to confront their past. I'll call it "facing the big plunge". But for some reason I never thought my day would come, and if I did sub-consciously accept this ideology, I never thought it would be as hard for me as everyone else. Foolishly I tricked myself into believing that the "growing pains" in my first years of college would ultimately be the climaxing struggle with my past. Oh, how desperately I wish that were true right now. That would have been a cinch!  ...Welp, I stand corrected. This by far is THEE most difficult thing You ever expected me to do. I don't want to admit that I understand why, but I have to. I can, however; admit that I need You. Direct me through this Lord. I think I may need Jesus Himself to come down and hold my hand through this one. It's so dark and taboo. I don't even want to touch it. I don't want to go near it with a 50 foot pole. I was comfortable forgetting about it... but forgetting about it is not the way to get healing from it. Hmmph! Difficult feats are rewarded greatly! ....Remind me of that please! I don't feel like going through this, but I promised You that I'd stick with You when I was felt like it and when I didn't. GIVE ME GRACE!!! Lots and lots and lots of it! Give me courage in abundance!! Lend me strength and boldness to get me past this point in my life! Mark me... "trailblazer, "curse ender" "broken vessel", just use me! Just use me! The more I realize that I don't matter, the easier it is to accept this call. This flesh is a beast, so daily help me slaughter it! Be my guide. I feel scatter-brained right now, so my thoughts and sentences are ping-ponging all over the place. Nothing is really flowing. But I am glad that I can come to You with my scattered thoughts and You'll help me sort them and show me what actions to take. But let Joshua 1:9 be my banner!  In Jesus Christ (My Redeemer & Friend) name I do pray [& plead His blood] AMEN...
By the way, I love the fact that I come to You feeling horrible and You literally turn my frown upside down! <<--Yea I know it sounds so cliche', but I guess cliche's are the defining character of love Lol... Love You Poppa =)

Sanctify me thru Purification!

¹SEE WHAT [^[a]an incredible] quality of love the Father has given (shown, bestowed on) us, that we should [be permitted to] be named and called and counted the children of God! And so we are! The reason that the world does not know (recognize, acknowledge) us is that it does not know (recognize, acknowledge) Him.
    ²Beloved, we are [even here and] now God's children; it is not yet disclosed (made clear) what we shall be [hereafter], but we know that when He comes and is manifested, we shall [^[b]as God's children] resemble and be like Him, for we shall see Him ^[c]just as He [really] is.
    ³And everyone who has this hope [resting] on Him cleanses (purifies) himself just as He is pure (chaste, undefiled, guiltless).

1 John 3:1-3

O LORD, our LORD, How excellent is thy name....

When I consider Your heavens, the works of Your fingers, the moon and the stars which You've ordained.... who am I that You are mindful of me!? Why do You love me? Why have You chosen to call me??? Why do you want me?? 

It doesn't matter really, all that matters is the fact that I am Yours. I appreciate this privilege. I am excited about where You are taking me and I thank You for showing me just how serious You are about me and Your people.I promise to honor You in the way I display and distribute information that You've given me. Help me keep my mouth closed about the things I am not to share and give me courage when I need to speak up! I trust that You'll lead and guide me correctly, however; I don't trust that I will always do as You would like for me to do, so I ask for extra grace to get me through the "trial and error" phase and ask that my season of exaltation will be preceded by a humbling season. Remind me that You are humbling me when I feel like I have done something terribly wrong. Remind me that my humiliation is only coming to prepare me to hold and keep the things You'll give me as a possession later. Never allow me to forget that it's only in You that I live, move and have my being so I won't forget to convene with You at the start of each day. Don't allow me to take on anything that will not benefit from my hands touching it. Stop me when I try to take on the world in my own strength. Show me how to guard my heart against the things the enemy will try to use to destroy me with. Let me know when, and if I'm just being "extra" or when I'm being to lax and coy. Connect me to people that have been where I'm going and can help with the transition. Make me effective. Teach me how to be direct an only say EXACTLY what is necessary at the right time. "Where You go I go, what You say I say, what You pray I pray." Make this statement true in me. I want to do NOTHING apart from You. Help me not to give answers until I have taken at least three days to pray and consider. Lord, I don't want to leave You out of anything, not only because I know I'll fail without You, but also because I know You want to be apart of my every decision made. Teach me how to live for You and I'll follow You and I'll love You all the days of my life. Father, Savior, Counselor, Friend, Companion, Lover, Husband, Provider, Protector, Brother, Healer, Atonement, Almighty GOD!!! I love You! Never let me lose sight of how I feel for You right now. I never want to go astray, no matter how horrible people may treat me, no matter what things seem to fall apart in my life. Let me always think on this overwhelming  joy I get from willingly participating in Your plan for my life, and the life of others. It's not about me, it never has been and never will be. As long as Jesus is the star of the cast I'm in! ...and I'll remain! Thank You for devotion, loyalty, and an undying faith that can certainly move mountains. Thank You for proving Yourself time and time again. Rid me of the obsession I have with pain. Show me how to truly let go of everything and everyone so that I'm free to cling to You, and You alone! =) Thanks Dad.... In Jesus' matchless name I do pray,

Amen 

I Finally Hear You...

DAD!!!!

I finally know Your voice! I can hear you Dad, I can hear You now! And I'm soooo excited! It's awesome to be able to hear and know Your voice, and to share it with other people. I'm glad You trust me enough to use me! I'm glad I went through not being able to hear You or feel You for a while. It was all necessary, and I knew that at the time, but now I actually see the manifestation and I am just OUTDONE! I'm so elated! You are the bomb! In fact, You created the people and resourses to make the bomb! Who else can say they accomplished anything like that.... NO ONE! Lol *sigh* I'm glad I can be myself with You. You understand me, mostly because You made me... I feel like a little kid, or one of those over-active chipmunks or squirrels on animated movies! Like I had too much coffee or something! But You make me burst over with joy! Your lovely! You care, Your kind... and merciful! You rock, like the pyramids they just found buried under the ocean! Lol

Help me remember this feeling when I start to lose sight of the benefits of following You. I don't want to lose this in my memory! I want to have it as a resource forever, because though I went through a lot of drama to get to this place... You were well worth it! I'm excited about seeing the lows and highs of this new-level journey I'm starting off with You on. Hmmmmmm, I'm amazed. I don't even think I could find sufficient words for the way I feel right now. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Encourage the people who feel that they have no hope, and even the ones that are contemplating ending their lives. Let them see that there is hope in You, especially when they feel opposite! Show them that life (with You) is worth living in the fullness of the ups and downs. Give them a little extra something to hold them over until the time has come for You to reveal Your glory in them!

In Jesus' name I exuberantly pray!

Amen

Written Aug 18, 2011

Despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him. Heb 12:5

Saviour,

Thank you for saving me, not only from the grasp of the enemy & the penalty of sin but from myself & my own wicked desires. hank you for chastening me & getting me used to Your voice, which in turn helps me sound more like You. Your goodness is unfathomable & I am just appreciative of the opportunity to experience it! I love You! Thank You for grace & mercy, friends & fellowship, hurt & happiness. I am grateful that I am allowed to experience life & living by truly being made alive in You. Your love is amazing & incomprehensible. Help me be filled with that love, the love that I can't understand or offer any explanation for, other than it being divine. Help me not to be easily angered because Your love isn't easily angered. Make me patient and kind, because that's how Your love is. Help me not to respond or even initiate ungodly conversations or interactions. You are truly the best! Make me more creative in my ways of expressing gratitude to You! I have the absolute best Master ever! I never want to trade You for anything or anyone.

...Sometimes I feel like a youngbul, but I'm glad I'm Your youngbul :) You brag on Your youngbuls. In fact, You said that unless we become like a youngbul we can't enter Your kingdom.

Thanks for being a comforter, & I ask that You continue to allow me to have a bird's eye view of my "problems" & situations. Help me keep my focus on You & the things You are telling me to do & be.

Luv,

Li

Weight... I'm Resting!

If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest.-Matthew 11:28 (Contemporary English Version)

The Lord is my shepherd. I am never in need. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside peaceful waters. -Psalm 23:1-2 (God's Word Translation)

Dad & Shepherd,

Thank You. I love you, and today I choose to honor Your request for me to come to You and allow You to give me rest! Just when I'm drawing near my wits end You call for me to lay at Your feet, Your peaceful waters. I appreciate You, if it were not for You I would certainly have burned out trying to handle everything on my own. Thank You for not making me responsible for handling every issue that arises in my life. It's ironic that one day I'll look back on the things that I think are such a big deal and laugh at how insignificant they really are, and yet, knowing this I still can't seem to shake certain worries. But from this day forward I declare that it will change! As I lye down with You I pray that You would show me exactly how to let things go. How to let people go, and move on. Show me what to do with hurt and disappointment (or rather what not to do with it) and how exactly relax and let You heal me. Mender of broken hearts, that's only one of Your many names, and with You as my Source I need not look to anyone (or anything) else to keep me sustained. Thank You again, I love You and I'm so glad You never leave me! With all honor and reverence through Christ the Lord I pray...

Amen

                 

Embarking

"I will go before you and make the crooked places straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD who call you by name, am the God of Israel. For Jacob My servant's sake and Israel My elect, I have called you by your name; I have named you, though you have not known Me. I am the LORD and there is no other; there is no God besides Me. I will gird you, though you have not known Me, that they may know from the rising of the sun to its setting that there is none besides Me. I am the LORD, and there is no other." Isaiah 45 2-6

Yahweh Shalom (The LORD of Peace),

Thank you for another day. Thank you for your love and grace, thank you for forgiveness that allows us to tap into your presence  and receive what only You deserved... peace! Lord as I study and read more about you I am even more grateful for the fact that the Hebrew word for peace (which is shalom) actually means completeness, soundness and welfare. That has such a greater meaning than what I have known it to stand for in my ignorance. That is simply and utterly amazing to me. You are utterly amazing Lord! I love you so much! I am grateful because I was down but You lifted me. Thank you for holding me when I lose strength to stand. Thank you for accepting me back when I forsake you or get distracted and start looking at things other than You. I appreciate how kind and gracious you are to me, but I know that my appreciation comes from my awareness of Your wrath and how you are equally as destructive in Your righteous anger as you are tolerant with your mercy. So, thank you for allowing me to grasp the concept (and understand the fact) that I am deserving of continual death because I am not holy, perfect or blameless and that is Your general standard... I would fall short on any given day because even my righteousness is as filthy rags in comparison to an incomparable and uncorrupted God. My life is only spared because You saw fit to send Your perfect Son to live a perfect, sinless life and die, the way I deserved to so He could exchange my record for His when I die. It is only my belief and trust in this extremely humble and loyal occurrence that I am allowed anywhere near Your presence and I have the utmost gratitude as a result. Thank you for Jesus, without Him I would be doomed to an eternity of death. Always being in the process of dying and it never coming to an end. *sigh* That is so awesome and admirable. You are mighty but You haven't destroyed me! Hallelujah! The only God who allows His people to have relationship with Him instead of forcing them to do works and be "good" without them even knowing for sure if they will make it into heaven/paradise or not. But You, offer a way for us to be sure of where we are going once this life on earth is halted. You not only hear us, but You speak back to us. You have plans for us, You long to be part of our lives though we are so small and should be insignificant to You. I love you! I praise You! I am eternally grateful to you! I ask that you would empower me to spread this very message of hope and grace to the nations! Equip me with spiritual gifts that will crush Your enemies heads! Train me to be so keenly in tune with Your voice and move that I will use them correctly and accurately. It's in Jesus' precious, but matchless name I do pray.

Amen

Healing...

Heavenly Father,

I come to you in reverence of who you are! How great & powerful & marvelous you are & I am humbled by your presence. At the foot of your throne of grace all I can do is repent & lament & repent again. You are deserving of so much more than I give, or could ever give. I am sorry for abusing this privilege I have of unrestricted access to you by ignoring you with the notion of talking to you later, or when I'm done doing what I "like", or when I feel like being "bothered" by talking to you. It's an honor and a privilege to worship you & I vow to honor you more with my life. Thank you for understanding me and being there even after I mess up & walk away from you and do, say or think of ways to dishonor you. Life without you is miserable, and in my angry moments it's easy to forget that so help me not to lose sight of that truth. Make me mature enough to talk to you even when I feel like I may hate you. Continue to take things away from me if they get in the way of our relationship! I don't like the way I feel but I know you're producing something great out of my life. Forgive me for being ungrateful of my giftings and coveting my neighbors. Make me comfortable with being invisible & unnoticed. Don't deliver me from situations where I seem to be overlooked until I'm content with the fact that my identity rests solely & completely in you. No person determines who I am (myself included). Mold me to the mindset that I am NOTHING without you, so that in due season you can exalt me without ever having to worry about me trying to steal your glory. All honor belongs to you, gracious Father. Abba Father! Thank you for adopting me as your own & freeing me from the dark recesses of my guilt stricken mind. Remind me that I am a child of the Most High & that I am to walk like it at all times regardless of what emotion I am experiencing. Help me be gracious when I want to be violent! Make me compassionate when I want to be judgmental. Show me love. Real, true, unadulterated love.  Pure love, open my eyes to the truth about your love, & how you love me so I can love others in the same way. ...Help me! Please! I'm drowning in sea's of bitterness & self-righteousness & guilt & it's getting harder & harder to see you, or remember what you've taught me about myself & yourself. I don't feel you as a comforter, but don't allow me to forget that you comfort the heavy hearted! At times I can't see you as the Truth, Way or Light but don't let me cave to the lies that say you aren't. It's becoming more difficult for me to believe you're a deliverer who cares about me, but I know that you do. I want to experience you! & maybe that's the reason you've allowed me to let doubt slip through my foundation in you & bitterness to choke out the love you've made available to me. I know that this all was grafted into your plan, but the reality is that it still hurts! My will doesn't want to bend to yours, and I guess that's the reason you must break it... but it feels as if your smashing me into a billion tiny pieces, but if that's what it takes to get the job done, keep working... I don't like it, but I must need it so don't let me get in the way! This healing process feels a lot worst than the initial wounding, but if it'll bring you glory... continue! In Jesus' name I do pray.

Amen